the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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