U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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