i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
