dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
