he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
