k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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