I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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