Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
