Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
