The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
