Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
