I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
