I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
