I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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