You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
