Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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