Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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