She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
