real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
