billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
