wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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