So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
