I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
