I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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