I could make wine with my vomit
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
