Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
