I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
