Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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