State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
