he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
