I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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