I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
