I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
