his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
