I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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