So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
