He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
