Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
