my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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