After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
