She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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