Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
