i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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