Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
