Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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