He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
