mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
