you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
