can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
