So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
