We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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